Well, what a bloody day. Who knew how hard this year would be. To say that it has been easy would be a big porky-pie. It has taken us a very long time to be able to think about eli and not have tears (and on some days we still do, and no doubt will continue to do so). Someone said to us you dont get 'over' losing a child...you just learn to live with it. I remember holding eli just after he died and said to Dr Karin, 'how does ANYONE move past this'..'how does life go on'. Well, it just does. Sometimes we get so angry with the world and scream can we just stop for one day to remember our loved ones. Can we just not get so caught up and sweat the small stuff? But we know that this is life, and we need to adjust the best we can to what we have been given.
Today we have been very quiet. We spent time with melon and cried a million tears. Pete has been working on the cottage and as he says, "its 'melon's house' - its an easy place to be". We will go on the walk i used to walk with eli in the pram to get the little bugger to sleep. Its been a very peaceful day and even as i write this, the tears are flowing.
We also planted 4 callistamons behind the back fence. As pete says "one for each of the boys"...Chad, Eli, Nick and now Alex.
Its going to sound weird but in so many ways we have been blessed knowing these boys. We are still learning from their memories every day. Their strength - to be able to take their medicines, needles and pain without fear, their bravery - to be so brave in the face of death, to listen to their favourite stories and watch their favourite dvd's, and their courage - to just be who they are.
We dont know why these things happen, but to dwell on it would be a massive step back. We still have our lives, and Eli in many ways will continue to have a huge part in it. He is our son. He is a grandson, a great-grandson, a nephew, a cousin and a mate to many.
So melon...this is for you
Our big melon.
one year has passed but it feels like an eternity. We miss you every single day. We miss your tummy laughs, your raspberries and your beautiful smiles.
If we could have a lifetime wish
A dream that would come true
We'd pray to God with all our hearts
for yesterday and you
A thousand words cant bring you back
We know because we have tried
And neither will a million tears
We know because we've cried
You left behind our broken hearts
And happy memories too
We never wanted memories though
we only wanted you.
We miss you bubba and love you with all our hearts
Our hearts are boxes filled with beautiful memories of a life that has been taken from us too soon. Time will tell why we were given this hand, but geez we are going to give it a fair crack to make it better for others who are walking in these shoes.
luv and hugs
the simpsons
xox
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