Ive had an amazing afternoon. Pete and i donated blood (pete's first time..you will have to ask him about it)! and when i got back to work, i played my ipod while doing some stuff. I have over 380songs on it and was amazed to hear melon's song "Somewhere over the rainbow" playing within the first couple of songs. I sat still, looked at a couple of photos on the wall and just remembered. I composed myself, then bugger me, a couple of my other fave songs came on (which i like to remember eli)..."Last day on earth" by Kate Miller-Hiedke, and "Watch over me" by bernard fanning...straight after each other...i giggled and wondered what melon was doing up there...THEN, Beyonce came on with "If I was a boy" (A song i downloaded in memory of Nicholas Timms), and a few songs later, "Dream Catch Me" and 2 more songs later "Amazing" by Alex Lloyd - songs that were played at little Alex Preston's funeral. All of this happened within an hour. I drove home and the first song that played when i walked in was "Birds and the Bees", something Eli loved because of the music...(thankfully not the words!)...By this stage i was truly amazed and felt that all the boys were up there giggling at me as i was trying to comprehend what was going on with my ipod...the thing was on shuffle and i hadnt heard those songs for at least 3-4 weeks...cheeky little buggers!
The best thing - well, for today at least, is that i could listen to these songs with a smile rather than sadness for the first time...as they say, perhaps one step forward. There may be steps back, but its nice to feel that there is just a little hint of forward every now and then.
All of our children are so deeply missed, every day. Words cant explain the emptiness one feels. All we can do is just try to learn to live with it.
So, to all our kids...we salute you!
love and hugs
the simpsons
xox
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